[Excerpt from TT: 2005-05-11]
According to Michael:
“When one is defensive, one is always responding to the past. A defensive stance can almost always be traced to a single concept, expression, feeling, or behavior that is in the fragment as needing to be RIGHT and VALIDATED.”
“Defensiveness, then, is a navigational alert to areas in which one has not integrated a Personal Truth.”
They go on to suggest these steps in dealing with Defensiveness:
“When one begins to feel Defensive: STOP. No matter how embarrassing or awkward the situation may be, one can ALWAYS stop being Defensive.”
TROY SAYS: This is a tough one for me. I’m certain I am using this “class” as a way to NOT STOP, but I’m learning, so I am not going to retaliate; I’m just going to redirect my energy, which is as close to Stopping as I can get today.
”CLAIM YOUR DEFENSIVENESS. If it is appropriate, honor your natural wisdom by openly acknowledging your Defensiveness. There is no need to apologize for it, but one can easily state, “Wait, and give me a moment. I was being Defensive.” Acknowledging your Defensiveness can immediately diffuse a situation and even alleviate another person’s Defenses.”
TROY SAYS: Okay… I am being Defensive. So… this is my pause… what does my Defensiveness say about ME?
DO NOT EXPLAIN. As soon as you begin explaining your Defensiveness, you have merely substituted one form of Defense for another. Either gently affirm the differences between yourself and another and be “OK” with that, or change the course from a Defensive context into a Discussion. We define Discussion as “a sharing of concepts, expressions, feelings, or behaviors that does not require agreement.”
TROY SAYS: This is another tough one! I feel compelled to clear my name, to fight to be SEEN; I feel like I am suffocating and need to struggle desperately to the surface for some air because I have been buried in someone else’s idea of me. Ahhh… a clue!
”DETERMINE exactly what Personal Truth is being reflected that brings forth your Defensiveness and clearly determine what truth you seek to implement in its place; e.g. your truth is that the world is, or you are, ugly, but you wish your truth to be that the world is, or you are, beautiful. OLD TRUTH: The World is UGLY. NEW TRUTH: The World is BEAUTIFUL.”
TROY SAYS: Gosh, this one is an interlacing of truths that this one kind of attack can bring up. I’m going to try though…
These are the Personal Truths that I have apparently not integrated and the attacks bring the OLD TRUTH to the surface as I defend the NEW TRUTH:
OLD TRUTH: People who make mistakes should continue to be punished until they can prove themselves free of the apparent flaws.
NEW TRUTH: Everyone makes mistakes and it’s inappropriate to punish them forever.
OLD TRUTH: People reject or accept me based on who I really am NOT. I feel truly INVISIBLE.
NEW TRUTH: People reject or accept me based on who I really am. I feel truly SEEN.
I wrote down several other truths, but I think the ones above really capture the crux of my truths under fire within the context of UD’s attacks. WOW! It’s fascinating to see it in this light. In being utterly honest and clear with myself, I can totally see why I feel attacked. I haven’t completely integrated my “New Truths.” I see this particular situation reflected all over my life… wow. I see these New Truths as vulnerable and I find I fight to protect them as I nurture them.
”RELIEVE OTHERS of having to prove YOUR New Truth FOR YOU. Assume that you are the explorer of this world, yourself, and your relationships and it is your responsibility to uncover the facts of your New Truth. Allow the process to be fun.”
TROY SAYS: Okay, so it’s not D’s job to make my new truth True. He is in my life in the way that he is because I still have remnants of the Old Truth and he validates those truths. It might be that I have a seed of that Old Truth for the rest of my life, so it’s important not to be consumed by it as I build the New Truth. It’s up to me and I need to differentiate his behavior as reflective of my Old Truth and find other instances of proof for my New Truth.
Again… wow. This takes WORK, but it’s feeling really good!
”ACTIVELY choose to SEE, FEEL, HEAR, KNOW your New Truth around you and inside you. Because an Old Truth will have become quite integrated, it may take the Physical Plane reality to “catch up” to the changes you are implementing internally. This means it might require some keen awareness during the initial changes of Truth. All experiences remotely hinting of support for your New Truth should then be noted and celebrated as Validation. Eventually your reality will unerringly support your New Truth as easily as it did your Old Truth.”
TROY SAYS: I would see that the step just before this one is key to helping this next step along. If I am honest about the validation of my New Truths, I have very little to stand on as complaint against the remnants of my Old Truth. I should be as excited about the validations for my New Truths as I get about my Old Truths being surfaced!
“USE VISUALIZATION or IMAGINATION to implement a new, supportive reality. Do not “fantasize,” but rather use Visualization or Imagination as a “beacon.” Do not ponder how the world “would be, if only,” as this will assume a gap between your New Truth and Reality. Instead, use your Imagination and assume that it is capable of extracting from, inviting to you, and navigating you toward your New Truth.”
TROY SAYS: I invite all of you to actively support and share in exploration of this and other topics. Let’s revitalize what it means to be supportive and learning from each other. I really would love that and I am doing all I can to bring that back to our community. I have spent every day this year, so far, working on some aspect of creating the community of which I wish to be a part, even while I am shunned from all of the others. That’s okay. In my imagination and visualization, it’s not about being accepted within the standards of another community anymore, but to build one that is as inclusive as I would wish them all to be.
”GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT. Whether in recognizing your Defensiveness or ultimately implementing your New Truth, it is always suggested that one honor that process with self-reward.”
TROY SAYS: This was a little more difficult than I expected. It took longer to write this and to really FEEL the truths than I would have thought. I think it’s very important to take this kind of time for self-understanding, because my first reaction was to just lash out at UD. But now, I think I will choose to TRUST UD, and to give myself Credit. UD is being as true to his old truths as I was being to mine, so I trust that maybe he will choose to grow beyond those as I grow beyond mine. In the end, it’s just good news that I found the time and energy to look below the surface and make a difference right here inside me.
How do you guys feel about all of this? Does it seem tedious and tiring, or worth it? Does it somehow feel as if one is letting the attacker off the hook? Do any of you have any of your own examples of this process I just walked through? I’d love to see how you are putting the teachings into effect…
Love the very visible and flawed,