[Excerpt from TT: 2008-10-12]
[Question] Please speak to the phenomenon of feeling being out of touch and un centered, as in with my channeling, sense of self, my body etc, of course this can be interpreted fairly generally. As I am certain we all experience this periodically.
[Comment] yes I’m feeling the same way–so it would be a help to me, too.
[Michael Entity] We can only respond to this in a general way, but we believe it will help shed some light on our older students However, even if we were to respond to each individual case, this generality would still stand as a fair foundation for understanding the experience you describe. What you describe appears to us to be a distorted form of self-defense. We know of no older students extant surrounding themselves with strong support and feedback from other older souls. Most of our older students surround themselves by early Mature souls as a primary context, at best. This does not mean one cannot find support in that circle, or that support does not exist from a few older souls, but that your primary contexts are far younger in perspective. The older soul grows weary of adapting and adjusting actions, feelings, insights, interactions, etc to accommodate the younger souls around them.
Older souls are more than willing to adapt and adjust, but this does not mean that you do not grow weary. Imagine the adult who happily accommodates the toddlers and teens for months on end with no other adults with which to relate. It is really no different. This process of adaptation can lead one to begin to question the validity of one’s own identity, one’s sense of self, and one’s presence as it is expressed FOR the world vs expressed FOR WHO one is.
[Question] What then does “distorted self defense” mean? Weariness?
[Michael Entity] The distorted self-defense is in the internalizing of this disconnect; this weariness; this sense of a gap between WHO you are and HOW you are. Rather than face the utter truth of your uniqueness and old soulness, you tuck it away, kept in check, tamed, and compartmentalized. Or it is protected through a drop in socializing, interacting to any depth, hiding, tucking your entire Being away from the world because you know you cannot undo who you are. We describe this as “distorted” because, in truth, it is not necessary to go to such depressing and debilitating lengths to preserve, restore, or reclaim one’s sense of self.
[Comment] Wow! I would attribute it to 1001 other things before this, thank you!
[Michael Entity] The gap between WHO you are and HOW you are can grow so vast that the only way to “shrink” that gap is to close yourself off from the world that takes you so far from who you are.
[Question] Is it more pronounced after the 4th IM?
[Question] I assume this could apply to any soul level?
[Question] Or during the going thru the 4th?
[Michael Entity] The depth of this feeling can be pronounced at any point within the life, at any soul age or level, though the paradigm at any given time contributes the greatest impact on whether one feels this, or not. In other words, Baby and Young Souls may feel this similar experience, but not to the depth and extent that a late mature or old soul will within this period and predominant society paradigm. The further one’s soul age is from the current paradigm, the more likely one can have this experience. Late Young and Early Mature souls are “the most comfortable with themselves” at this time, but that is a strong generality that cannot be applied truly or meaningfully, since the Mature Soul Age inherently questions, “Who am I?” The older souls (mid-mature through old) can do well to turn this distorted self-defense into an empowered resource of self-empowerment, instead.
We will explain: The greatest source of pain when experiencing the gap between your soul age and the predominant soul age is the resistance to the truth. Pain is always a form of resistance, and in this case, it is a resistance to the truth. Many truths arise in the gap between soul ages, especially for the older, reflective, sensitive souls. Many of the truths are general, such as “you ARE different.” That “you are different” is a fact. You are not like the others who seem to move so easily through the current paradigm. This truth is similar to a 50 year old in the midst of teens finally acknowledging, “Okay, yes, I am NOT a teenager. I am different now.” You ARE different. However, much of what you believe equals “different” is from the Young Soul paradigm that imprinted you.
Different = bad, unwanted, unacceptable, incapable, shameful, embarrassing, obnoxious, outcast, too old, outdated, uncool, etc. Different can also pull from another side of the Young Soul paradigm and equate with “Smarter than, Better than, More Spiritual, Special, Above, Bothered, etc.”
Each of you who experience this gap will find your ways to defend yourself, but it will most likely be rooted in your distortion of a truth similar to your “being Different.” Yes, you are different. Yes, you sometimes need a break. Yes, you are older, wiser, kinder, and smarter in many ways. Yes, you are sometimes unwanted, unacceptable, obnoxious, an outcast, too old, not cool. Yes, every aspect of “different” is yours to own. Nevertheless, being “different” is not unique to you, and this is where the turn of consciousness can come in making the distorted self-defense into a resource of empowerment. If there is ONE thing that connects you to all around you, it is the fact of your each being DIFFERENT It is the common ground upon which all of you walk. The Older Soul in the Young Soul paradigm tends to fall into the trap that this is a bad thing or a better thing, but it is simply a thing; a part of nature.
So your first steps in dealing with this disconnect from self and the world around you is in acknowledging the truth of your being DIFFERENT and in that profound acknowledgement, you will most likely feel within you the resistance to this as something you hold as a Bad thing or a Better thing.
Your next steps then would be in looking at the other truths that have surfaced within that gap. And by “truths” we mean your personal level of truths that can change. Many of the “truths” that come up in that gap are the truths handed down to you about you from other people, or from your experiences of the past that are now outdated. If a “truth” comes up that is derogatory, it is not your truth. It is as simple as that. No fragment has the capability for self-hate, self-loathing, self-denial, self-condemnation without exploiting the fuel provided by someone else’s truths. If you think/feel “bad things” about yourself, you have sourced these from outside of you. You have hijacked the concepts and used them against yourself, but they are not your weapons.
This is why feeling disconnected, bad, self-distracted, etc., can be so exhausting and debilitating because it takes a lot of effort to hold up the shaky walls of other people’s truths against yourself. It takes a lot of lying and dishonesty, because your truths about you are loving, supportive, invigorating, imaginative, creative, playful, and light-hearted. It is true that all fragments can hold harsh thoughts about one’s self, but not for long. The default of sentience is loving. To do otherwise is exhausting, but possible. It is also true that all fragments can hold harsh thought about others, but not for long without exhaustion. Therein lies why one begins to close down. The less interaction one has within and without, the more easily one can hold these false truths in place without contradiction.
There is much more we can speak about on this topic, as we know all of our students suffer from this to some degree, but this gives a foundation for the beginning of some self-reflection and exploration.