[Excerpt from TT: 2008-03-09]
[Question] Currently I have an issue with a woman in my home owner’s association, Mrs. W. I’m the president of our HOA, and the minute she told us, via email, that she sent me a certified letter making demands, my reaction to it was to get very angry about it. I couldn’t contain my anger towards her when she arrived at our meeting and I yelled at her. This surprised me… that I got so angry because I rarely get angry with people. I have been looking at this issue of what caused me to get so angry with her and what am I missing about her to allow me to stop feeling my hackles raise when I see or even think about her. I know the anger I’m feeling is not really about her. Please can you shed some light on this… along with telling me how I might handle her with more positive results?
[Michael Entity] On a self-karmic level, this relates to several issues: issues of Control as it extends from Stubbornness (you prefer discretion over obnoxious call-outs); issues of inadequacy as described by your Self-deprecation (it hurts to be told you fall short of expectations). In the case you describe, this triggered every defense you could muster to protect yourself from losing control and feeling inadequate. Your anger was a form of your trying to re-implement some control and to compensate for the sense of inadequacy. It is Good Work that you recognize that this incident is unrelated to the woman, herself, even as she provoked these reactions in you. This is consciousness, Essence.
[Comment] Wow… that makes total sense to me.
[Michael Entity] You claim that you “rarely get angry with people,” but this is untrue. Or more specifically, this is an inaccurate statement. It is simply that your anger more often is turned inward rather than outward. You are exploring the other side of anger in this incident as a means to bring some wholeness further into your life. That is the main self-karmic issue: your RIGHT to be angry. Your RIGHT to feel hurt. And ultimately, your RIGHT to express. Vocalizing your Anger frees your Intellectual Center or your Throat Chakra to “unclog” years of suppression.
[Question] This is healthier for my body to express it outwardly?
[Michael Entity] It came out more strongly as a result of past suppression. We would not say that it is healthier for your body to express it outwardly as much as we would say that it is healthier for ALL of your bodies to OWN your anger and to express it appropriately. This would include the internal expressions as much as the external. In other words, you have created a dichotomy within you that has left you with arguments against and for your anger over time. Whether this anger was kept inside, directed toward the self, or externalized. Your next steps are to consciously grasp that your anger is a means of uncovering areas of powerlessness within the life and then to bring consciousness to that area, re-empowering that area. In your case, the powerlessness could be said to be rooted in your Goal of Acceptance. As you explore this Goal, much of what is acceptable about yourself or others seems to be out of your hands in many ways. Over time you have found this to simply be untrue. So it is that you are now more likely to express your anger because you are not threatened by the loss of acceptance, of yourself, or from others. Now that you have seen the disproportionate effects of anger as it is expressed after being suppressed, you may find that you are more appropriate as you experience it in the future.
Though this was a rather personal question, we do see our response as being applicable to many.
If you wish to stretch yourself a bit more, it would be an interesting “short cut” toward balance if this incident were addressed with the woman in question, not offering apologies, but in offering appreciation and acknowledgment for the benefit gained from your exploring your part of the equation. You may not be able to control how people ask for what they want, but you can learn to see these calls for action to simply be variations of how one has learned to get things done, not as personal attacks.